


The one where of course aliens make them do it.  And Daniel is a big perv.

by splash_the_cat



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Dick Jokes, F/M, Humor, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-25
Updated: 2014-07-25
Packaged: 2018-02-10 02:52:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2008218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/splash_the_cat/pseuds/splash_the_cat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The title says it all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The one where of course aliens make them do it.  And Daniel is a big perv.

**Author's Note:**

> I sat down to write a shippy little Sam/Jack thank you to Kate for hooking me up with the Jack and Daniel action figures. My brain produced this. I claim no responsibility for my brain. It has a mind of its own. And, uh, Kate? This is totally not your thank you.

 

"Jack knocked up Sam, huh?" Daniel wasn't that surprised when Teal'c came out of the infirmary to report on the aftermath of their latest abducted-by-sex-pervert-aliens-right-out-of-the-Gate mission. He figured it would happen one day, what with the way on every other planet or so somebody drugged the two of them up and made them have sex. It was getting a little old, and frankly, he and Teal'c were feeling left out. What did Jack have that they didn't, anyway?

And Daniel wasn't just thinking with his dick or a bruised ego. He was concerned about Sam, too. Didn't anyone think she might like some variety? She was a complex woman. Layered. Someone who deserved a little nuance.

"No, Daniel Jackson. It is the reverse."

"What?" That brought Daniel abruptly back from a contemplation of stripping Sam of her layers. "The reverse of what?"

One of Teal'c's eyebrows was up, and Daniel hoped it wasn't the "I know what you were thinking, you perverted human" one. It was more likely the "I am surrounded by imbeciles" one and Daniel was just reading it through the lens of a guilty conscience. Not that he had any reason to feel guilty, because he absolutely respected Sam. Absolutely.

"Major Carter has impregnated O'Neill," Teal'c said.

The only response Daniel managed, once what Teal'c said had sunk in was, "Huh." Suddenly the pan-galactic alien preference for Jack's penis didn't seem like such a bad thing.

"Indeed."

"So, um…" What Daniel really wanted to know was probably a little more prurient than he cared to admit. So instead of, "So, how did that happen? Are all their parts in the right place? They didn't take something from Jack and stick it on Sam, did they?" he asked, "They're okay, though? Physically?"

"It would appear that Major Carter has suffered no adverse effects. O'Neill was subjected to modification of his endocrine system and abdominal structure to accommodate the pregnancy, but otherwise appears in good health."

It always amazed Daniel how Teal'c could rattle crazy shit like that off with the same enthusiasm as if he were reading the specials from the menu at IHOP. Well, considerably less, actually. Teal'c loved IHOP. But, really. Jack. Pregnant. How was that not comedy gold? "How are they otherwise?"

"Major Carter is fascinated. O'Neill is nauseated."

"Already? We were only gone a week."

"Dr. Fraiser says the process appears significantly accelerated. No doubt our captors hoped to bring their studies to a fruitful conclusion before we escaped or were rescued."

Oh, okay, there it was. Daniel heard a very definite pause before "fruitful conclusion." Teal'c _did_ find it funny. Which made Daniel feel better, because he knew there was no way he was going to make it through all this without having to lock himself in a supply closet somewhere and cackle until he pulled something.

"So. Is he going to keep it?" 

"Dr. Fraiser feels that due to the speed at which O'Neill's pregnancy is progressing, and the complexity of the changes made, it is not clear whether it can be terminated without damaging O'Neill. She believes they should allow the pregnancy to run its course, which she estimates will be approximately three months."

"And then?" How is it going to come out was the question on the tip of his tongue, but Daniel wasn't sure he wanted to know how extensive those abdominal modifications were.

"I believe we will have to buy cigars."

Yes, definitely was going to have to find that supply closet soon. "Do you think we should throw them a shower?"

Teal'c's expression cracked a tiny bit, and he switched eyebrows. "My latest issue of Martha Stewart Living gives detailed instructions for creating favors suitable for such an event.

Oh God. Jack and Sam were going to kill them. "What about us?"

"General Hammond will brief us shortly on SG-1's short-term future, though I believe he will allow Major Carter to take command until O'Neill has completed his confinement, and we will continue with missions."

"That's..." Just the three of them, out in the universe filled with perverted aliens. No Jack, no Jack's penis. Just them and Sam and lots of incredible hot alien-induced sex. Awesome. "Good."

Though Daniel was stocking up on condoms.


End file.
